Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
