It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
