Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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