end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
