Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
