im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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