Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize