I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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