fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
