Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
