Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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