those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
