She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
