Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
