Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
