make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
