Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
