i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
