I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
