I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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