then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
