marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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