I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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