this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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