my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
