There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Randomize
