I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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