I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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