Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
