the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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