I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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