After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
