Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
