i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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