Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
