no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
