last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
