i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
