do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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