Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
