remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
