We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
