You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize