She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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