You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
