Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
