Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
