We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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