my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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