So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
