Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
