Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
