someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
