fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
