I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
