I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
