She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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