break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
