shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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