That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
