I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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