I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
