Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
