Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
