The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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