is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
