you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
