There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
