when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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