Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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