You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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