Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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