Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
what is it with giant penises always finding me
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
What a dumb baby whore.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
