So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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