Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
