remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
