I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
