who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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