Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
