i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
