When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
