you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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