i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
