Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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