ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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