she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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