go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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