Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
