I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
