apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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