I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
