Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
