I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
