can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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