The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
accomplished twins. life is a go
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize