Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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