he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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