He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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