butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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