You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
