He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
