It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
