Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
