I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
