I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
